People often treat interactions as one-off events. They want to win this argument, prove their value, be right in the moment. But almost everything in life is a repeat game. You’re going to see these people again — and even the people watching from the sidelines are taking notes.

Every interaction is training the people around you.

After it’s over, they’ll like you a little more or a little less. They’ll be more or less likely to bring you problems. They’ll be more or less likely to recommend you or avoid you. And just as important, you’re training them on the type of problems to bring you.

It helps to treat every conversation as a conditioning event. You’re teaching others how to feel about working with you, what kind of feedback you give, and what kinds of challenges belong in your orbit.

If someone comes with a question and leaves feeling small, they’ll stop asking. If they bring you a hard problem and you meet it with curiosity, you’ll get more of those. If you always solve things for people, they’ll outsource their judgment. If you always critique, they’ll start hiding the work.

You are, in effect, Pavlov. Each interaction rings a bell. The only question is what behavior it’s reinforcing.

This doesn’t mean everything should be soft or easy. Hard feedback, delivered well, can be incredibly motivating. But your tone, timing, and consistency create the feedback loop that defines your reputation and, over time, your ability to make progress.